“I am a lover of what is, not because I’m a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality.” —Byron Katie
When reflecting recently with a client on what he had learned from our time of working together, I was struck when he said that one of the most profound things was to fully accept his current realities as a pathway to create the changes he was seeking.
In his words…
“I recognized through our work together that I had a lot of resistance to what I was experiencing – my low energy level and the perceived impacts I was seeing on my life. I can see now that I was in a lot of denial. I was looking through the lens of lack and wanting everything to be different than it was. I can see how I used up a lot of energy resisting how I felt, thus adding to the sense of exhaustion.
You helped me to be with my current reality in a way of saying, ‘Okay, this is what I am experiencing right now. How am I going to work with that?’
I was able to then work with the amount of energy that I had and look with discernment about where I was spending energy and not getting returns, and where I was devoting my life energy in ways that revived me.
And I was able to see with clearer eyes and be honest about some of my patterns that weren’t supporting me. My irregular sleep habits, for instance, were something that I had not directly faced before. I would often go to bed at 2:30am and wake up at 8am to go to work, and assume that I ought to be fine. I didn’t want to admit to myself that these choices might be having a huge impact on my energy level. Or that the ways I might occasionally lean into alcohol or eat large amounts of desserts in the evenings might be numbing behaviors that were having the impact of disrupting my sleep and keeping me disconnected from feeling myself more authentically.
In a way I kind of knew these things, but I didn’t want to see them. You were able to gently help me to come into a direct relationship with all of this and become honest with myself about how I was or was not taking care of myself.”
I so appreciated the clarity that he brought to these reflections.
I know personally how easy it is to resist what’s happening, to pit myself against the symptoms I’m experiencing. I know what it is to push back against the feelings or to find myself unknowingly playing the victim to what life is throwing my way.
I had a very intense reminder of this learning for myself just this last month. I had awful allergies, worse than I’ve ever had before. I could hardly sleep some nights. My eyes felt like they were filled with itchy sand. Snot poured out of my nose constantly, and I was exhausted and dizzy. I felt so uncomfortable that sometimes it was like I was trying to wiggle my way out of my body.
Needless to say, I found myself taking lots of supplements, going for acupuncture, and trying a myriad of things that the “locals” knew to do, as I wasn’t in my familiar home environment. And the symptoms continued to get worse. I was miserable and in a whole lot of resistance to what was happening to me – trying to keep up with my clients, with writing my book, with running my business, all in the midst of this.
Something shifted at 3:30am last Sunday when I was awake due to the discomfort.
I felt myself drop into a deeper acceptance of the realities of what I was experiencing. I saw it all clearly, and as soon as I did a strategy showed up.
I could go on a trip to visit my parents and remove myself from the pollen onslaught. I could let my body and being rest and recoup, and gain greater perspective and clarity for my next steps away from the intensity of the allergies.
As soon as I made this decision, even before I went anywhere, I felt a shift in my experience. The physical symptoms were all still there, but I felt lighter, softer, more gentle, loving and playful with myself. Something had let down in me, and I felt so much better, even with the physical discomforts still there.
I am writing this now from my parent’s home, feeling humbled and reminded of the paradox at play here…
When we truly accept what’s happening and choose to be in direct relationship with that truth, it evokes in us a sense of empowerment, not passivity or defeat.
It’s like finding the key to get ourselves out of a cage that is slowly closing in.
“When we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple, fluid, kind, and fearless.” —Byron Katie
The key is always there… the opportunity to embrace reality, to accept what’s happening in all of its complexity.
In opening to what is, as it is, we’re able to invite and engage with creative strategies and solutions, to move ourselves forward into new territory that we hadn’t been able to see before.
Grab a journal and take a moment now to reflect on the following:
- What is evoked for you in reading this article?
- What in your life right now might you be resisting? Simply name what it is clearly and specifically – a chronic illness, difficulty with a loved one, job situation, exhaustion, weight gain, etc.
- What emotions and feelings are there for you when you think about this life circumstance? Can you give yourself permission to fully acknowledge and express what you feel, without censorship?
- How might you be able to embrace and accept this reality more fully in this moment? What or who would support you in doing so? (Remember you don’t have to be in this alone!)
- What does accepting this reality offer to you in your life? What shows up for you on the other side of being with this truth in a direct way? Any new clarity, sense of direction, surprising strategy or experience? Trust whatever shows up for you, and that one step will lead to the next in ways that you can’t predict.
- What is one concrete thing that you can do today to translate what you have come to see into direct action in your life?
