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There’s a common theme that I see amongst many of my clients. They are deeply capable people who tend to show up to hold and care for others (and our world). They give and give and give to their kids, their parents, their clients, their communities, and to create a positive future for us all. And yet somehow they find themselves not being held in the ways that they need to thrive.

I know this territory intimately myself. I even used to have a kind of martyr complex. I believed that I was strong enough to do it on my own, to continue to show up in support for others and my responsibilities, but I didn’t need any help.

It has certainly been a humbling journey to learn how deluded I really was. It brings up tenderness for me to reflect back on how hard it was initially for me to open to and invite relational support and community into my healing journey, even in the midst of my chronic fatigue when I could barely get out of bed.  I’ve now come to see that no ingredient has been more vital to my ongoing health and vitality than this.

I know that for so many of us our relationship with health and self-care is wrought with shame, self-judgments and embarrassment. It is so common to feel all alone and isolated in your health struggles, like no one could understand what you are going through.

Whether you struggle with exhaustion, trying to lose weight, depression, addictions, anxiety, life transitions, or a chronic illness, please know that you are not alone.

Who to Invite onto Your Vitality Team

The idea of having a team of support is key. No one person can serve all the different forms of support that we each need to thrive. Expecting that to be the case can put unrealistic pressure on that person, and set you up for disappointment and failure.

I’ve seen repeatedly amongst my clients how profound this can be. Even if you may already have various kinds of support in your life, by consciously identifying the key people and communities who are on your vitality team of support (and making it explicit in your relationships), so much can begin to happen –  greater relaxation and ease, a heightened sense of confidence and empowerment, courage to be vulnerable and real in your process, and a grounded sense that you can indeed achieve what you set out to do.

Here are some different types of support you might want to invite onto your team…

Peer support:

This may be one of the easiest and most impactful things that you can start, right away. Can you think of a friend who might be in a similar place as you in terms of being ready to create real change in her life, to disentangle from the self-care patterns that haven’t been serving her? Invite her to be your Vitality Buddy (or come up with a name that excites you!)  It won’t cost you anything, and will not only bring benefit to you, but to your friend, too! Meet up for walks, go to yoga classes together, share recipes, check-in daily via text about your intentions for that day.

Partner / Family:

Just as with peer support, your romantic partner or members of your family can be wonderful partners on your journey towards vitality. Every relationship is unique, however, so I would caution you to have a lot of discernment about what works best for you. Be mindful to not expect a professional level of support from one another, and to make sure that each of you have your own team on board. That way you can love, support, and nourish eachother in the ways that are appropriate for your relationship without putting too much pressure or expectation onto the other person.

Health Practitioners:

There are many different types of health practitioners, with lots of possibilities of roles for you in your team of support. Choosing who to invite is unique to you, your preferences, and your needs which will change over time. Having professionals on your team of support is really critical. They not only offer you their expertise through many years of training and learning, but they also practice their healing art every day, with the benefit of working with a diversity of different people. Thus they will have skills, perspectives, and a depth of experience that your peer, partner, or family support simply can’t offer. Not only that, but when you go to a health practitioner you are hiring them to be of support to you. You can count on them to be there for you, without any other complexities of relationship dynamics getting in the way.

Community of Practice:

I have come to be a huge proponent of communities of practice. Sadly, these are not all that common in health care outside of addiction support groups, so most people have not benefited from all that they offer. From what I have experienced personally and in the programs I have offered through Vital Medicine, being part of a community of practice will accelerate and deepen your learning and healing in a tremendous way. There’s something almost magical that happens when we are held in a container where it is safe to be vulnerable, to let ourselves be seen in the raw, humble, beauty of our imperfect humanness. Through being in community, we get to see aspects of ourselves and the patterns we play out in the other people, too. Our compassion for others and ourselves expands. We are able to see through these reflections that we aren’t broken in the ways we may tell ourselves. We get to emerge out of the isolation in our health struggles in a way that we simply can’t experience in one-on-one relationships.  

Design Your Ideal Team of Support

  • What roles would you want as part of your team? Be specific in describing them for yourself.
  • What qualities, ways of being, skills, expertise, etc. would they embody and possess?
  • Who do you already know who would fit those roles?
  • Who might you need to seek out referrals to find?
  • Who can you reach out to today to begin to build this team for yourself?

 

Discernment

Please have discernment and self-respect about who you share your vulnerabilities with and invite onto your team of support. Be protective of yourself. Have your own back. Create a team of support that you feel safe leaning into so that you can receive the gift of being held, supported, guided, and loved into your most thriving, alive self.  

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