Lately I have been spinning. I have had vertigo, a very disorienting, uncomfortable experience to say the least. Yet there has been something oddly affirming in navigating this illness because it has been such a clear, loud physical reflection for what is unfolding in my life as a whole.
Have you ever felt like the fabric of your life is shifting and evolving? It can seem like you are no longer who you were, yet you aren’t quite sure who you are now or where you are going. The existential questions arise: Who am I? Where do I belong? What am I here for?
You feel lost, like you are somewhere in-between, in the liminal space. And it can feel swirly, chaotic and hard to find your feet again.
That’s about where I am now.
Since my book came out last May there have been so many big life transitions for me in my work, home, and relationships, and I’ve been feeling rocked by it all—physically, emotionally, and creatively. It’s been hard.
And in the midst of it there have been times recently where my harsh, judging inner voices have come in saying things like, “This is crazy! You just wrote and published a book about vitality, and look at you!”
And then thankfully other inner voices come in, and respond kindly with, “Yes, look at me.”
To put it simply, I’m intimately living and learning more deeply what it is I wrote about. Life is yet again bringing me to my knees. And in this crazy, topsy-turvy time, I am here continuing to deepen my resilience and capacity to really love and nurture myself.
I’m finding it easier to practice self-kindness, and have discovered that the kindness itself has been the strongest anchor for me in the midst of the spinning.
This week a friend sent me this quotation that feels so deeply resonant:
“A sacred illness is one that educates us and alters us from the inside out, provides experiences and therefore knowledge that we could not possibly achieve in any other way.”
I have shared very little of myself in the last months, finding it hard in this spinning space to step out and be seen. And yet, more and more I am getting that the vulnerability of what I’m learning and moving through myself is at the heart of my teachings. And it does feel sacred.
Life doesn’t tend to go how we think it is going to go; it ebbs and flows. There’s nothing linear or predictable, particularly for those of us who have the courage to live a life aligned with our authenticity (that just might be a bit off the beaten track.)
As we transform and evolve things get messy and uncomfortable in all aspects of our lives. This can manifest in all sorts of ways (aka symptoms) that conventional culture and medicine likes to diagnose and attempt to fix.
What I keep coming to realize ever more intimately is that healing isn’t about getting rid of uncomfortable symptoms. Healing is really about the deeper, more essential relationship we have with ourselves and how we guide our life journey. And the “symptoms” are often there as feedback to help us awaken to this deeper level of vitality.
As long as we are alive, we will be continuing to heal, transform, and evolve. And inevitably at times we will find ourselves spinning in the transitions. That’s part of being a vital, awake human being.
Whether you are currently navigating a topsy-turvy period or wish to prepare yourself for the next time you do, here are a few questions to ground your healing journey:
- What are some ways that you can more fully celebrate and embrace the sacred healing that is there for you as you navigate this transformational time?
- How can you turn towards yourself in the midst of the swirl with more compassion, acceptance, trust, kindness and love?
- Who can you invite to support you in holding these intentions for yourself?
When life sends you spinning again (because it will at some point), I encourage you to embrace and love with tenderness whatever is revealing itself—that in these moments you are whole and everything you are experiencing is a beautiful and integral part of your unfolding.